The first time I heard the question it shocked me. Then it angered me. Then I felt guilty. Then I became numb. We had married only 11 days before his death, so I was a newlywed widow. A few months later, I slept with two former lovers, the kind of men who are only interested in sex and light conversation. Every cell in my heart wanted to resist them, but my body and mind were hungry. I desperately wanted to be held and feel less alone. So, I stopped inviting anyone up to the apartment, even after I renovated it and got a new bed.

It was the place where my husband had lived before I moved in, where we had lived together, and where he had died. It was still covered with photos of him and us. It was the one place where I could still talk to him and hear his response. I took this, and the timing, as a direct message from my husband that this guy was special.

We went on a date, my first with another man since I met my husband four years earlier. He never could produce the voicemail. I had tried to convince my husband when he was sick that we should get a dog. I thought it would cheer him up and give him a reason to live, one of many wild ideas I thought might save him. He convinced me that dating your deceased husbands friend dog would be too much responsibility on top of my caregiver duties.

Now I missed those duties. The first few months were a blur of house training, behavior training, and vet visits. My father was the most dating your deceased husbands friend critic dating your deceased husbands friend this, presumably on behalf of my entire family. Some friends thought the puppy was a great idea. Others shook their heads. Would you give her up? To make sure, I brought her with me on the next date, which was with a man who lived at the beach.

As he waxed on about his under-construction beach house, the puppy peed on the dusty floor right around where he was planning to put dating sites toronto free piano. Later, in an attempt to show that he was dog friendly, he chased her up and down the beach. But she barked at him because she was scared, and he got offended. When he came out of the bathroom, the puppy and I were waiting. We escorted him back to his car.

After the two-year anniversary, I went on four dates with a friend of a friend, three of which ended back at his apartment. A few months later another friend mentioned three people she knew who had met on a site called OkCupid and gotten married. Those were pretty good odds. I decided to try it. The first man I emailed dating your deceased husbands friend happened to be an Orthodox Jew.

Not the ultra-religious kind that wears the black coat and dating your deceased husbands friend, the kind that dresses like an average person, he reassured me. We did have some things in common, but he used a lot of Yiddish words in his emails that I had to look up. After a bunch of emails, we made plans to meet at a kosher vegan restaurant dating your deceased husbands friend idea on my lunch hour.

After waiting 15 minutes, I ordered a chicken quesadilla with fake chicken and fake cheese. What are you doing tomorrow? In year three, I had lunch with two widow friends. One had been married for 25 years, the other for five, and me for 11 days. I asked them if they had thought about dating again. Each shook her head. I dating your deceased husbands friend it was because women sometimes understand each other better than men do, so dating a woman might alleviate the need to explain everything.

I also thought it might alleviate the tendency to compare any prospective man to our late husbands. My late husband set the bar high in every area — wit, intelligence, personality, chemistry, values, even the way it ended. Unfortunately, death and dying is part of the deal. Given a chance to go back in time, I would do it all external validation dating again hopefully with more grace.

But losing my husband was one of the biggest disappointments of my life a bigger disappointment dating your deceased husbands friend him. Part of me is still heartbroken. After he died, one of his friends told me that the only way to heal was to build new memories and new experiences. For this and other reasons, I left Los Angeles a few months ago for the East Coast. The dog and I spend lots of time outside, enjoying the fresh air and natural beauty.

Then I think, what if I am? Some people can dating your deceased husbands friend an entire lifetime without experiencing that kind of love. No matter what the future holds, my heart will always be full. Skip to main content. Find Us On Instagram. Find Us On Facebook. My First 10 Dates After My Husband Died My husband died 11 days after we were married. I was not only a widow, I was a newlywed widow.

January 29, Tags: Datingmarriagewidowdog ownership. Style Collection and the Time Inc.

What is your opinion of a widow dating the best friend of her dead husband?

I have talked to my kids and they like the idea but just not sure what society will think. Yes, it may be quite "early" after her death. Truly, u need God's direction and grace this crucial time. When talking to her family, reiterate how much you both miss her and how much she meant to both of you. Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. And they will want the same for you. SO YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR NEW MAN, BE HAPPY AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT STUPID CRAP. But in any case, you know there can be no future relationship, not even if you were deeply in love — because you could not bear the censure of your community. I recall that feeling too.